The Oxford Dictionary defines "Courtship" as "a courting with a view to marriage." To court someone is "to pay attention to a person whose favour, love, or interest is sought." There is no mention of courtship per se in the Bible. We do read that couples were betrothed to one another and at times this was done at birth. More often than not, the parents of the children made the decisions for marriage, and when the children became of age, they learned to fall in love with one another AFTER they were married. Today's marriages are very different.

Western culture has set the pattern that one finds his or her own life partner and decides what qualities he/she would like to see in his/her spouse. If couples are asked what made them want to be married to one another, inevitably they would say that they are compatible or there is chemistry or they just simply love one another. This implies that during courtship, many young people may be looking out for that "chemistry" factor in a life partner. Such a subjective approach begs the question of whether they really know what they are doing or are looking for since this "chemistry" factor is as elusive as when they find it they might know that they have found it! When this happens, the courtship can turn very physical with very little self-control to the surging hormones coursing through the veins of hot blooded youngsters. The Bible may not have explicit teachings on courtship but it has sufficient revelations to help us draw some biblical principles for a God-honouring courtship.

The first principle to bear in mind is that courtship must not be entered into frivolously. It is an emotional minefield whereby an aimless or carnal approach inevitably results in behaviours and activities patterned after the movies and television. A biblical approach to courtship is that it is initiated with the intention of marriage. The result would be to honour one another in the LORD and hence keep pure and chaste before God till the day of holy matrimony. This is God's desire for His church and must be the patterned desire of every would-be husband for his future wife as they begin courtship. Jesus says in 2 Corinthians 11:2, "For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." This high regard for courtship brings out a high standard of holiness during courtship.

The second principle in courtship is practical. The lines for courtship are clearly drawn in Scripture. We are to be pure and think only pure thoughts toward one another because this will result in pure actions. The biblical guideline comes from Philippians 4:8 which says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." This means that there must be no "hanky-panky" when couples go out on dates. To avoid such carnal sins, the places they go to have to be public and brightly lit. The best control over sin is to nip it at the source. Do not be found in places where the seed of sins can be sown. Further, limit bodily contact to the holding of hands. Anything more than this is to play with fire. The first kiss must be for the future "husband" or "wife" only and that after the day of holy matrimony. Such a standard is unheard of today and some readers will find this an impossible pill to swallow. But seriously ponder over this suggestion and you will find that this is not only a right guideline but a wise one as well. If in the end, the person you kiss does not become your future spouse, and this person is also in the church, and starts going out with someone else, and perhaps eventually marries someone else, the awkwardness of the situation will surely result in unseemly behaviour that could have easily been avoided if both parties had exercised self control and observed purity of conduct.

The third principle is to avoid one-on-one "frivolous dates". These are dates that are for "fun" only. These couples have no intention of a serious commitment which hopefully might lead to marriage. These dates can be worse than playing with fire. They inflame emotions that can result in broken hearts and friendships. The worldly minded reader might find this suggestion archaic and offensive. But consider this truth - in relationships, you do not require two hands to clap. This is why there are many "love triangles" where "A" loves "B"; "B" does not love "A" but loves "C"; "C" loves "A" but not "B". Some have even ended up being stalked by one party whose strong feelings were not reciprocated. One person's "platonic" relationship could be another's "prodigious" fantasies. This does not mean that one cannot go out in a group. But the caution is against a one-on-one outing with the opposite sex with the agreement that it's "just-a-date with no strings attached".

The fourth principle is to get parental consent. One of the best ways, if not the best way, to honour your parents is to get their consent when you begin to date. Do NOT seek their consent when you are already serious about the relationship. Parental input and concerns are of great importance. Their insight and wisdom (from their years of experience) are invaluable in the choice of a lifelong partnership. Furthermore, marriage may be between two people but the life of marriage is actually between two families. Consequently, not seeking parental consent is a disastrous start to the most intimate relationship God has designed for two people. What if your parents do not like the person you like? Well, if the relationship is founded according to God's holy and perfect Word and His will, and it was entered upon after much prayer, and there is genuine love between the two, there should not be any objection. The same God who brought you together is also the God who gave you the fifth commandment to honour your parents in the LORD. Involving your parents in your choice of a life partner is definitely honouring them in the LORD.

The last, but not least, principle is that courtship activities must be spiritual in nature. Couples need to learn to pray and read the Word of God together. One of the best books in the Bible to begin, and not end, with is the Book of Proverbs. It has 31 chapters and couples can read this amazingly practical and perfect book one chapter a day for the rest of their relationship. This spiritual emphasis will immediately be a safeguard in their relationship that will help to maintain holiness and godliness wherever they are. The gradual saturation of God's Word in their relationship will surely bear the fruit of the Spirit in their lives. The couple will not only have a profitable life together as husband and wife in future years, they will also have rich and blessed memories that last a lifetime.

Present day concept of Courtship is a bane to parents and a minefield to young people in this reckless age of immorality. But this need not be the case when Christians enter into courtship with biblical morals. The Bible and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit will guide and protect them from sins and sorrows, which more often than not can easily be avoided if self-control and Christ-like behaviour are dutifully and sincerely observed by God's children. Courtship is a time of finding God's will and both parties must always esteem the other better than self as they encourage one another to submit to God's will in their lives. Do not turn courtship into an opportunity for sin and shame. AMEN.